one little yellow banana

Hi dear readers!

I have given it much thought.

I am SICK to the core of people telling me "sandra do this, sandra do that, sandra why u so no brain wan"

I say screw it.

Before i lost Mun hork 4 years back, i was the bitchiest bitch with a super sharp tongue with no concerns of who loved or hated me. after the breakup it affected me greatly as it was my pride n bitchiness that stood in the way of me communicating with people (including my father) so i forced myself to swallow a great slice of humbleness and became more tolerant, more forgiving, more generous n nicer to EVERYBODY that came in my life.

Look at what kindness has brought me to?

a point where I've lost my independent tots, being easily bullied n totally having no clue how to respond to difficult situations. if its hard i cry. like an idiot. i complain like an idiot. nothing is done all just wailing n sighing.

I used to be so naive to think money could buy me happiness, security. that being in a relationship with the right guy would make my life complete. getting away from my family would mean freedom for me. but i was wrong. 

now i realise all i want to have when i grow up is H-a-p-p-y. TO BE FREE FROM REGRETS n live a fufilling life. it not need be rich, it need not be with prince perfect charming n it need not mean disconnecting myself from my problems n family.

As of today, TALK LAH all u want to talk. i'm tired of taking care of other ppl's feelings ALL THE TIME n forgetting myself. talk until the cows come home.I will free myself from all u negative people n negative tots. 

i will do what i want n for now i'm so damn sure i want to live in Penang, i want to continue clowning cause it makes my life fulfilling, I want to just be in control of my feelings thus the obsession n depreesion over Mr.X will fade away, i want to spend quality time with my family n frens n forget about BGR. i dont want to depend on anybody anymore for financial support, i want to quickly get a posting be a damn good teacher n i want to go back to church n reconnect with God once again.

It u think pretty girls are all just face and empty inside?

 we will show u we have intelligence with grounded common sense, confidence, poise n character to go along with it. 

Watch me rise over this shitty hole of depression madness.